Faith, Family First, Love

.THIS.Kid.

CJH; April, 2022

On Sunday, my Son’s GF texted me a picture of my Son. (^^That picture^^)They were at a restaurant, having dinner. Spring break was ending and eating out was probably the last thing they needed before starting their new quarter. Or at least that is what this Mom thinks. The picture just made me happy.

I look at life so differently now. I’m a Mom of Bigs. My Son is a big kid now. He doesn’t need me. Or does he? He has proven that he can buy his own groceries; cook; go to school and work. He doesn’t come home much anymore. His time frame is very lean now. Making any commitments on his end is hard. It’s not just a school thing – it’s now a school AND work thing. So, our time with him is limited, too.

My Husband and I went on our first vacation without him – a few weeks ago. It was weird. Not worrying about him. Did we order him a snack for the plane ride? Did he eat? Did he get enough sun screen spray on him? Is he at the pool or the beach? Did he go back to the room? Can I read a book or should I make sure he is swimming and not at the bottom of the pool? Is the hot tub too hot? Will he know it’s to hot? He wants to go grab some musubi across the street – is that okay? He would leave and I would go look and made sure he didn’t get hit by a car. I would immediately, go back to my pool chair – just so no one know what I was doing – my kid would never knew and my Husband would just think I went the the bathroom.

Now that I’ve been home for a few weeks – I look back and think – what the hell?! No wonder I’m medicated! I need to turn it off! Bah! Here’s the thing – my kid is 21!! I still worry about him like he is three. Why?! He was raised right. He’s a fab kid. He is soooo loved.

He has had the same GF for a few years now – we love her – they are super great together. Because of her I don’t worry much about him being away at school. I now know someone else that loves him just as much as I do – is taking care of him. I still worry. It is getting easier… The Lord knew I only needed one… TYJ

Love, A

Faith, Family First, Hawaii, Organic

.Lush.Land.Feels.

If you know me – you know I LOVE Hawaii and I LOVE plants… (insert my blog name) I have traveled the world, but I love Hawaii. I am obsessed with the plants there. I love the way they grow. The humidity just does wonderers for the growth. It’s just so cool. These pictures are all from my Sister-In-Laws house. She planted all of these and takes such good care of them. They are so lush and happy. When I look at these pictures – they make me H-A-P-P-Y! Enjoy!

Love – A

Faith, Family First, Friendship, Kindness, Love, Step Mom

My Step Mom

Do you have that person in your life that shouldn’t be? And by shouldn’t be, I don’t mean it in the way that they are a bad person, one that treats you bad… It was me that was that person. And The person that shouldn’t be there, is my Step Mom. Her name is Linda. I honestly can’t remember when she wasn’t there. She married my biological Dad when I was young. My “real” parents (if you will…) got a divorce when I was 13 months old. I never knew that relationship. With that being said, I still spent time with my “real” Dad and I only remember when Linda was there. They were married for 20 something years and then divorced. I was in college at that time.

After they divorced, he moved on and to a different state and re-married. After that, I’ve seen him twice. Twice… Once after my Son was born and the last time was when my Son was 18 months. My Son is now 21. I’ve seen him twice and have not heard of him or from him, since. As I am a Mother, I think that is weird. But, it’s life. That’s just the way it goes. His wife has died and I did reach out; via a sympathy card. Still haven’t heard from him. Do I need to? Probably not. I just would never not have anything to do with my kiddo. That would never happen. It hurts. But you move on.

My Step Mom, has stood by me. When she shouldn’t have. She has come to the very important events in my life. Not just showed up, but was there. Some things, I’m sure were inconvenient. She was still there. For example – she showed up for my kiddos HS Graduation. It was a big day for my whole family. The closest people, or the ones that should be, couldn’t be there. Privately – that hurt. She was there – for me. She felt like she needed to be there – for ME. I needed her. It still means so much.

I was mean to her when I was a kid. Even as an adult. You know – I knew everything. More than her. Not only was I mean, I was mean to her face. Right in front of her. I look back and hate that part of me.

Linda was the first adult to bring me to a church. She taught me how important the Lord was/is. Church was important. SHE taught me that. Sometimes when I am in Seattle, I still drive by that church. It brings me happiness.

The thing I love the most about her is her simple kindness. I hear from her almost daily. It means so much – I’m 50 and I NEED this. She just gets it. Gets me. She has always been kind – it was me that wasn’t. This is what I see on the daily:

Just the time that she takes; it makes me happy. I’ve never had this – especially as an adult. It just makes me happy.

Thank You, Linda. You make my heart happy. I feel remembered. You could have walked away. You never did. You are the B-E-S-T Step Mom a kid could have ever had.

Love, A

Aging Parent, Faith, Family First, Work-Life-Balance

Exhausted. Life.

This picture – this is what my head feels like. At all times. I’m tired. Exhausted. I cannot turn my mind off. Ever.

Taking care of your elderly parents is hard. You are now the parent. They don’t really like that, but they get it. You are the decision maker. Period. The decisions I have had to make – they couldn’t. It’s overwhelming. My Therapist helps me get through it. To help me better understand it. The hard part – this is the norm. I do remember both of my in-laws going through this many years ago. I didn’t know how hard it was. They made it seem easier – OR, I didn’t pay attention. When somebody else is doing it, it is easy to look the other way. If I look around the Friends I have at my age – we are going through this in some way. It’s a whole other world. I feel like I have lost so much control taking care of myself, MY family. I mean, I still am a Mom and Wife. Two of my favorite titles. Right now I suck at both. Which hurts. Really hurts. They don’t get it and they shouldn’t have to. I never want my kid to have to do any of this. Or make the decisions I have had to – good or bad. It’s so much thought. It is a process. A time consuming, life consuming, process.

If you think you have people around to help out – don’t count on it 100%. Ever. Most of the time that does not work. You have to depend on you. Your the one you can count on. Nobody else. That in itself is exhausting. As my Parents live 100 miles away; it’s a commute. A commute that needs/should be done every 2 to 3 weeks. I try to make that time line – every 2 to 3 weeks… Every 2 to 3 weeks. Like clock work. I can do the drive with my eyes closed. I am down to knowing this drive to the minute. Could be the second. It’s just in my blood now.

This is not a complaint. Writing is what makes me aware. It makes me understand. Its just part of the process…

#faith #familyfirst

Uncategorized

Reflection

/re’flekSH(e)n/ : Serious thought OR consideration

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In this new time of the COVID 19, aka: Corona Virus, things are different.  Things have changed.  2020 became weird.  Somewhat scary.  It is really an unknown at this point.  Will things turn around?  When?  The College kiddos (including mine) are home.  The Governor just announced the other day, that all WA public schools are done for the year.  Doing somewhat of an on-line process.  What about Prom?  Graduation?  All of the money parents spent MONTHS ago with Jostens?  I feel sorry for this generation.  I feel bad for the things that were planned, that are now cancelled.  I’m thankful I still have a job.  Working from home one week, office the next.  I’m thankful, but, I miss my work “normal”.  My Work B-E-S-T-I-E-S.  I miss the normal.

It is weird having my College student home doing homework.  Talk and texting his roommates.  They are missing out on their first year of College.  You know – those FUN times that your parents don’t know about??  The girlfriend?  These kids not only need it, they should have it.  It is sad to me.

We were supposed to go to Hawaii last month.  At the very last second I said, “We need to back out…”  My Husband and Son disagreed.  It was a Thursday I suggested this; we were to fly out Saturday morning at 6am.  What we kept looking at was our flights.  They were fine.  Nothing was cancelled.  We would get online and look at where we were staying and it was still open and ready to go.  We Googled the golf course my family was to golf at.  It still said they were open.  When my Son tried to call and didn’t get through; that was the moment I put my foot down.  Yes, the flights were still on.  That was not the problem.  What we did not know was that had we gone, the place we were staying was making you stay holed up.  You would literally be stuck in your room.  All of the pools were closed and all of the chairs on the beach were brought in.  They don’t tell you this.  The golf course was closed too…  We are so glad we didn’t go.  At this point we can’t re-schedule.  I mean, who knows when this will end?? So sad.

Life changed in a flash.

I started baking.  I mean eating.  I’m not a baker.  I don’t enjoy it at all.  I love to eat the goodies though.  I just made my third batch of chocolate chip cookies.  I’ve eaten most of them.  And the dough, too.  I’ve gained my Corona 15.  Maybe 20.

The hard thing?  Watching the people around you that you love and respect, struggle.  My gym.  I’ve been there 3 years now.  I kick box.  It’s a kick-boxing gym.  I’ve gotten STRONG.  I’ve met great human beings.  We get each other.   The classes I’m missing out on.  Going in at lunch to lift.  The owner.  My Trainer.  This is his living.  His business is considered non-essential.  Why?  He does A LOT of one-on-ones.  That’s how we get strong.  We need this.  But, it’s non essential.  He still has bills to pay.  Rent.  In the gym building.  Fingers crossed he gets to open back up next month.  Next Month…?  Really?  I know there are a lot of businesses out there that are trying to figure all of this out.  I feel horrible for all included.

Doing my Bible Study with my Connection Group, via Zoom is weird.  But it is so nice to have that option.  We still need each other.

To get my butt moving I’ve picked up hiking, walking our local loop and guess what else?  I purchased Beachbody on Demand!  WTH?  Are you kidding me?  I’m truly glad there are no mirrors around when I am doing it.  I’m pretty sure I look, over the top, RIDICULOUS!  Gross.  I do get what I need.  It is fun.  It’s just not my normal.

I have to see my Therapist, via video.  (Yes, I go to a Therapist – EVERYONE should…)

There are some good things these last few months have proved:

  • I have really gotten into the Word, again.  I keep using the excuse that I “don’t have any time…”  That excuse is non existent now.
  • I have read sooooo much.  I love to read, but typically I read as I’m going to bed and conveniently fall asleep.  Not now.  Amazon has even reached out to me for a Author review.  Not bad.
  • I have blogged a lot more.  I have also read a lot of blogs that I have wanted to read for well over a year now.
  • I’m catching up on all of my podcasts.
  • I’ve cleaned all of the closets in the house!  I’m pretty proud of that one…!

Being FORCED to slow down has been nice.  In a weird, awkward way.  I really am staying in place.  Unless I am going out for a walk or a hike, I am staying home.

I miss my normal.  I wonder if normal will be back…?