Tag: Aging Parent

Aging Parent, DeadDadsClub, Faith, Grief, Love

It’s Been Awhile. 544 Days to be Exact.

plantspoliticsandthelord

It’s been 544 days since I have written. 544 days since I’ve had a clear thought. 544 days since my head hasn’t felt like it is spinning off my shoulders. 544 days since I have opened up about it. 544 days since I felt the pain. 544 days since this pain of grief started. 544 days since my Dad died.

Some people get it. Most don’t. His presence is lost, but it’s like he is still here, or around. I can still feel him. I hear him. I see his riddled body. Cancer took it away, and so damn fast. Or was it fast? It’s hard to remember that sickness. Or forget it. I can’t remember. You look back and ask if you are thankful or not. Thankful the Lord took him to get out of such misery; or not. What is it? That’s why I haven’t written. My mind is stuck. Spinning, really. Turned off. I’ve missed out on a lot of life, trying to move forward. I’m learning. Moving ahead. I’m trying to remember the trips to Disney. And not his hands that looked like something that belonged to a skeleton. His fingernails looked so big. Hands so small. It was just a few hours before he died that I hugged him. He looked bad. But it was what he looked like for quite a while. I didn’t know that was the last day. I drove off. I shook my head just trying to be the strong one. Pretending it is all okay when I walk through the door at home. Not really saying much. Really not knowing what to say. I pretended nothing had changed. Then a few hours later I got a phone call. My Dad was back in the hospital. It was weird. My Sister called. We knew. We just knew. But we didn’t say anything to each other. Because we knew. Right? Then, my phone woke me up. My Dad died. At that moment I was surprised. But, why? It hurt. It still hurts just like that moment. It’s hard to put a smile on your face and pretend everything is a-okay. Like you do. You just have to. Or so it seems. Why can’t you just hide under the covers and watch Dateline? Forever… Keith Morrisons voice is soothing. That’s what I needed. But no, you have to go back to normal. Normal? Yeah. Work, the grocery store, etc. 544 days; I’m finally coming back. Finally. It would have been my Dads 74th birthday today. Seven Four. Wow. Happy Heavenly Birthday, Dad. You are missed so.damn.much. I will see you again. That makes me so happy! #deaddadsclub #notcool

The Best Dad on the Planet!

Screenshot

Taking my Dad to the Cancer Center. He wanted to stop at Starbucks. We talked about trains; I took him to my Son’s college; showed him where he lived. It was a GREAT trip. Simple, when life wasn’t.

This is what cancer looks like. My Dad had lost 100 pounds in about 4 months.

My favorite picture. This was taken right after I met my husband. Life was just so simple.

Aging Parent, Assisted Living, Family First, Love

Milestones.

plantspoliticsandthelord

So, as a lot of you know, my parents are moving into a Assisted Living facility within the next few weeks. This change is big. Big for all of us. They are moving out of the home they have been in, close to 30 years. Change is good, right?

Today as I was packing their stuff, my Dad asked if I could help him buzz his head. He has noticed that the chemo has gotten to his hair. He brushed it the other day and noticed clumps of hair coming out. I told him, “of course…” I started and realized I really sucked at the clippers. I told him that there for sure was a reason I wasn’t a barber. He laughed. After words he says, “let me do my beard myself.” Of course, he still wants to do his own thing. I let him go to town. One side was better than the other. One hand works better. He made sure I double checked his longs hairs. I got ’em.

“I would like to do my beard myself…”

Lastly, I was cleaning out my parents’ laundry room. I found this gem. My Mom has this tacked up in her laundry room…? You know, back in the 80’s/90’s when you got the freebie 11X14 print? This is it. Really??!!

I guess we decided it was a denim theme?? Annie & Sami.